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I
love
this
Doctor!
Q:
Doctor, I've heard that
cardiovascular exercise can
prolong life. Is this
true?
A: Your heart only
good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on
exercise. Everything wear out eventually.
Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like
saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want
to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol
intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy
is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so
you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of
grain. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat
ratio?
A:
Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one,
etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of
participating in a regular exercise
program?
A:
Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No
pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for
you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in
vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could
getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?
Q: Will sit-ups help
prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not! When you
exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing
sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A:
Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean!
Another vegetable! It best feel-good food
around!
Q: Is swimming good for your
figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to
me..
Q: Is getting in shape important
for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this
has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food
and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
intention of arriving safely in an attractive and
well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways -
Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body
thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO,
what a ride!!"
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final
word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth
after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little
fat and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans..
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and
fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you
like. Speaking English is apparently what kills
you.
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